literature

The Count and the Headsman

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SpiderTrekfan616's avatar
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Literature Text

A count was arrested for treason and sentenced to death by beheading. The king offered him life without parole if he confessed. The count refused so the execution was scheduled. As the headsman swung the ax and the blade was about to fall, the count yelled "WAIT! WAIT! I'LL TALK". But it was too late. The ax fell. And the moral of the story is: Never hatchet your counts before they chicken.
Just read this in the voice of Jonathan Frakes and you'll see why I like this joke. And yes I'm in a joking mood.
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An animal researcher discovered one day, quite by accident, a combination of nutrients so perfect for porpoises that they would essentially live forever. But it was hugely expensive, until the day he discovered, also quite by accident, that this combination of nutrients was found in nature - but only in one place: the common gull. So he would periodically comb the beaches looking for dead gulls to continue his research. He was on one such expedition when he heard a lion had escaped from the state zoological park and, sure enough, found that same lion asleep right in the front door to his lab. Luckily, it was a sound sleeper, so tiptoed right over it, and the beast was none the wiser. But a neighbor saw the whole thing, and he was arrested and convicted of transporting gulls across the state lion for immortal porpoises, and spent the rest of his life in jail. Moral: beware of long, seemingly pointless stories...